So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
