That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
