Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
