Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
