Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
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