Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
