I accidentally burped into my bong.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
