NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
