So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
