dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
