guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude i'm inner monologue high
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
