I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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