hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
