My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
