I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
