it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
