Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
