dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
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