A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
