Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
