Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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