I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
