I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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