i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
