Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
