He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
