So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
