I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
