Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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