Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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