It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
