anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
