I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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