I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
