apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
