You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
