Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
