Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
