Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
