sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
