And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
