Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
