I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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