quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
