she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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