I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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