i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
