Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
