As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
