There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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