I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
