i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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