At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
