Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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