Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
