Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
