I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
