Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
