FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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