just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
love makes seman taste better
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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