If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
