Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
