so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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