explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
