Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
