He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
