how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
